The Kohlmans

My son's first birthday is just over a month away. He has been the most incredible blessing - and the greatest challenge - of our lives. I have spent more than a few moments throughout the past year thinking about the world I want my son to live in, and, more importantly, the church I want him to know. I want my child to know a church where everyone's gifts are celebrated - and used.  I want him to know a church in which our differences are cause for unity because they make us stronger.  I want him to know a church where judgment is buried by forgiveness and healing.  I want him to see that the church strives to show each other unconditional love, in spite of our imperfect humanity. My prayer is that the Mennonite Church can become this church, sooner than later.

This summer, our church has reserved a portion of our worship service each Sunday for members of the congregation to share about a song that has been particularly meaningful to them in their faith journey. This morning I shared this: Don't be afraid. My love is stronger. My love is stronger than your fear. Don't be afraid. My love is stronger, and I have promised, promised to be always near.           I think it’s safe to say that we all know your world can careen completely of your control without prior notice. For us as parents, that happened sooner and more terrifyingly than we dreamed possible.           On March 22, 2013, Brad and I welcomed Lincoln Jesse into our family.   Two days and only a few minor complications later, we drove home from the hospital, our conversation filled with hope and excitement for our life as a family of three.       ...

Jamie wrote today about brokenness and how important it is to share ours . Here is my story. Lincoln spent a week of his life in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I suppose it's time for me to start to process that time, rather than allow emotion to overwhelm me whenever I think of it or whenever something is not absolutely perfect or whenever there's a possibility that something could be wrong. I think that most people in my life believe what I force my words and actions (or lack thereof) to convey, that I've moved on, that I'm able to remember those days without moments of fear of something happening again and without my emotions overwhelming me, that I can just be thankful that all is well now. (Truly, I am thankful that all is well. It's just that my emotions aren't quite that simple right now.) But, honestly, I don't know when I will get to that place. This is part of my brokenness. In many ways, I know we have been so fortunate. Saying we're ...

This morning in church we had Lincoln's baby dedication. "Here’s the standard Mennonite understanding of child dedication: it is an act by which parents thank God for the life entrusted to them, offer their child back to God, and ask for God’s blessing on their life together." ( Thank you, Joanna Harader. ) (I really was happy. I promise.) Brad and I have discussed many times the fact that I am not a "happy crier," obviously meaning I don't shed tears on happy occasions. Today was a happy day. I have thought quite a bit lately about this day. Since day one, Lincoln has been a blessing to us (and by day one I mean the day we knew he was on his way), a gift from God, as his middle name declares.   But, as parents learn, one has to hold their children's lives loosely, to trust them to God. This became so real to us when we held our very sick baby in our arms during his stay in the NICU . Though Lincoln is all better, I am still proc...

I first learned these words as a sophomore in high school, the first time I started a basketball game. It had always been a mystery to me, what the five starters did as they huddled on the free throw line after their names were announced. So, during my first game to join, I listened intently as we stood in a circle and draped our arms over each others' shoulders. Lord, please clear our heads of all distractions and our hearts of burdens we may bear, so we will perform at our very best, knowing you'll always be there.  I learned these words well. So well that now, even over 11 years later, I don't pause when calling them to mind. This became my "competition" prayer. For the next two and a half years, before every basketball game, every cross country race, every track meet, these words filled my head. Even after high school, when I competed at Bethel, the words did something to calm my nerves before each race. I wasn't completely anxiety-f...

We are thankful to be part of a small group of "young adults" (defined loosely) through our church. Saturday evening we had our annual Christmas get-together - an appetizer supper and grab bag gift exchange.

Sometimes life is heavy. Like right now. It's almost Thanksgiving, and there is so much to be thankful for. Yet there is a lot of hurt happening as well. In the past week, we have had friends announce diagnoses of their own and their family members. Colon cancer, severe pneumonia and blood infection, congenital heart defect, lung cancer. It is a tough list to type. It is a tough list to pray. It is so easy for me to become consumed with all that might or could happen. The reality is that we just have to live the best way we know how, love others as well as we can, and trust that we are doing all we are able. I wish I had more to say, or some words that are more comforting to offer to my friends. But this is the best I can do. 

This morning, I did not go to church. Brad was busy with a church work project (yes, on a Sunday... long-ish story), and I decided to stay home since he had my car and the truck is lacking a bit in the AC department. Lame excuse, I know. Instead, I walked Jasmine, leisurely. I made a menu for the week and got groceries. I tackled the pile of laundry. Then I found myself in the kitchen. I made cinnamon rolls. And somehow, that act of baking became an act of grateful worship. As I measured and melted and mixed, I thought gratefully of all that had to come together in order for me to bake - the flour, sugar, butter, eggs, milk, yeast, and salt. Later the cinnamon, sugar, and brown sugar... Seemingly simple, yet a complex coming together. As I measured and melted and mixed, I thought of my mother and grandmothers, who I had watched do the same, so many times, thankful for their example of love and caring. As I methodically kneaded, I thought of my family: Sarah and Jamie and m...

This is my second try at this post... I somehow deleted the whole thing. I hate it when that happens. Argh. Here goes nothing. A few times in the last month or so I've posted about my faith. I won't go into detail again since I already posted here , here , and here .  1. new Bible... there's something refreshing about having a nice, blank book, without underlining or sticky notes or marginalia (from my teen years, no less). 2. e-mail daily devotional - I subscribed to the United Church of Christ's Stillspeaking Daily Devotional, and I love it. You can read an example here . 3. The Daily Examen      1. Become aware of God's presence.      2. Review the day with gratitude.      3. Pay attention to your emotions, being open to being aware of your responses as life-giving or life-diminishing.      4. Choose one event/moment from the day and pray from it.      5. Look toward tom...

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through God who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13 It's so easy to fall into a habit of discontentment. I could most definitely continue to be frustrated about our school's new health insurance policy. I could be upset that I still have to travel. I could complain about sharing a classroom. I could. I certainly could. In fact, I already did today. (And I felt very guilty and convicted. Hence, this post.) But what good will that do? Nada. In fact, complaining, other than the occasional and necessary venting session, makes me feel worse. I wallow.  Instead, I'm going to work on being content (and even thankful) whatever the circumstances. (I know. It's a bi...

I've been trying to think of something to post since Tuesday. There are a few in-progress projects and such that I'm planning posts on, but I suppose I have to finish them first. I've also been thinking some about what I posted earlier in the week, about blogging about my faith . (Thanks to those of you who posted encouraging comments - it really does mean a lot, probably more than you know.) If I'm going to be honest (which is hard. really hard in this instance), I have to confess that my daily devotions are a bit lacking. And by lacking I mean pretty much nonexistent. I'm usually not sure how to pray or what to pray for, other than "God you're great, and God you're good..." before meals (but that's a post in and of itself). I often feel lost reading books that I don't identify with. And part of it is that I don't feel very comfortable talking about my faith, and I married a man who feels the same. But I do want that to change...

"Bidden or not bidden, God is present." -Desiderius Erasmus If you've been lurking around my blog for any amount of time, you may have noticed that there's definitely something I don't post much - maybe not really at all - about: faith. (And I do say lurking on purpose, because ya'll don't comment... and I have fixed my commenting settings so everybody should be able to comment without logging into anything. I'll keep it that way unless somebody says something mean.) Anyway, back to the point. Faith. Mine, specifically, since this is my blog after all. Yikes. Isn't that one of the things you're not supposed to talk about with friends? Politics, religion... I always thought there was a third but I can't seem to think of it right now. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good discussion about my faith and all that entails. I just don't post about it, well, because I feel like so many people who do blog about their faith have thi...

I am still processing events of late. There is much going on in our world. It is a time of great celebration for many yet a time of great mourning for others; I don't think either of those responses can be ignored or dismissed. As someone who was raised in a strong pacifist belief system and is unsure that violence is ever the correct or best answer, I have mixed emotions about it all. Maybe later (after my semester paper is complete - so close!) I will do more writing. For now, I believe Martin Luther King, Jr. said it very well, and his words will suffice... ‎ I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. "Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." -Martin Luther King, Jr   Edit: after a little online searching, the actual quotation ...