reality check
Sometimes I struggle (internally) with what to post on this blog. I
don't want to whine or complain. I don't want to sound ungrateful for my
blessings (as corny as that sounds). I don't want people to stop
reading my blog because it's depressing.
But sometimes real life isn't great. And that's okay.
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." - Steven Furtick
A few weeks ago, I ran across the quotation above on Pinterest. I really, really like it. I printed it out and hung it in my craft room. I also started to think about it. I don't know if this blog is just a highlight reel, but I don't really intend for it to be.
I am very hard on myself. Seriously, unreasonably so some days. (I think part of the reason I don't post much about my shortcomings is because some secret part of me realizes that my self-image is distorted.)
There have been several mornings this year when I wake up at 4:30 and spend the next 45 minutes lying in bed, agonizing over whether to get up and run. If I ultimately decide not to, I lie in bed until my adjusted alarm goes off at 6:02, beating myself up about how lazy I was being, instead of going back to sleep (the whole reason I decide not to run) or getting up for a shorter run.
Earlier this year, I got my hopes up about being back at my old/original school. They were dashed, and I've called myself stupid more times than I can count for allowing myself to even entertain the earlier thoughts. I get mad at myself when we don't save as much as we could in a given month. I'm frustrated when I don't get things done in the time frame I set for myself (whether it's realistic or not), when I eat more candy than I should, when the dishes aren't done.
This list could go on. And on. And on.
It won't, though.
I finally realized this morning that I'm not very good at giving myself a break. It only took 26 years. I'm not perfect; I've always known that. But somehow, being okay with not being perfect escapes me. Maybe because I have always felt like I have a lot to "live up to." Maybe it's because I have unrealistic expectations of myself.
Regardless, I'm going to stop the list. Some days, I will fail. I will suck at life.
And that's going to have to be okay. Starting now.
But sometimes real life isn't great. And that's okay.
"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." - Steven Furtick
A few weeks ago, I ran across the quotation above on Pinterest. I really, really like it. I printed it out and hung it in my craft room. I also started to think about it. I don't know if this blog is just a highlight reel, but I don't really intend for it to be.
I am very hard on myself. Seriously, unreasonably so some days. (I think part of the reason I don't post much about my shortcomings is because some secret part of me realizes that my self-image is distorted.)
There have been several mornings this year when I wake up at 4:30 and spend the next 45 minutes lying in bed, agonizing over whether to get up and run. If I ultimately decide not to, I lie in bed until my adjusted alarm goes off at 6:02, beating myself up about how lazy I was being, instead of going back to sleep (the whole reason I decide not to run) or getting up for a shorter run.
Earlier this year, I got my hopes up about being back at my old/original school. They were dashed, and I've called myself stupid more times than I can count for allowing myself to even entertain the earlier thoughts. I get mad at myself when we don't save as much as we could in a given month. I'm frustrated when I don't get things done in the time frame I set for myself (whether it's realistic or not), when I eat more candy than I should, when the dishes aren't done.
This list could go on. And on. And on.
It won't, though.
I finally realized this morning that I'm not very good at giving myself a break. It only took 26 years. I'm not perfect; I've always known that. But somehow, being okay with not being perfect escapes me. Maybe because I have always felt like I have a lot to "live up to." Maybe it's because I have unrealistic expectations of myself.
Regardless, I'm going to stop the list. Some days, I will fail. I will suck at life.
And that's going to have to be okay. Starting now.
I saw you pinned that quote, and I really liked it too! I think most folks can relate.
ReplyDeleteI was JUST thinking about what I want my future career to look like, and I realized that I am going to be "aspiring" and "reaching" towards a particular goal for a long time. And if I look at it like that, I will have wasted so much of my life in an unfulfilled state of mind. I always have to remind myself that "right now" is good and fulfilling too, if I decide I'm going to let myself enjoy it. I want to "arrive" at this perfect spot someday, but I try to remind myself that I can let "now" be perfect too.
I still like to keep lists, otherwise I lose focus, but not completing them is not the end of the world. And that can be so hard to accept.
Good luck with your endeavor! We all struggle with something. :)
I know how you feel about "right now" vs. the future; I'm feeling it especially since the end of my MLS program is getting so close. Lists are my favorite!
DeleteI think people relate to "realness", so write what you feel like writing. And lighten up on yourself! You don't suck at life....you just make choices and mistakes like the rest of us. Nobody gets everything they want/need to get done. Life is not really about getting things done anyway. I am hard on myself too; I struggle with my self-image. But I have a few year's wisdom on you, and I am realizing more and more that trying to have everything perfect does nothing but steal my joy. So take it from another perfectionist, let it go!
ReplyDeleteI'm working on it! Thanks for the encouragement and for sharing your wisdom. :) SO grateful to have you in my life!
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