Am I crazy?
Probably.
There's a lot on my mind, and I'm not really sure how to make sense of it all. I've not been good at the "faith" thing for many, many years.
I had a thought today, and I'm not sure if it has any merit at all, but... maybe one of the reasons I struggle with reading the Bible, memorizing scripture, listening to sermons, and so on has something to do with how often this book is used to condemn, exclude, and hurt others.
Even if, when those things happen, verses are taken out of context or the context isn't considered or they are picked and chosen for the occasion, they are still used for ill. I'm just not sure how to deal with that, how to answer for that.
I do believe the greatest of these is love. And I have a hard time when we use the Bible to show exactly the opposite.
And, if I'm seeking to understand and include and love others, how can I use the same book that is used to injure them? Won't I also be picking and choosing? Won't others think I am the one taking things out of context?
So I struggle. With the words I read - or don't read. With what I hear on Sunday morning. I understand in my head, but in my heart.... I don't know how to reconcile. I don't know what to do with it all.
Maybe that's a completely crazy thought, or a cop-out, and excuse. Maybe I'm just extra tired tonight. But maybe not.
There's a lot on my mind, and I'm not really sure how to make sense of it all. I've not been good at the "faith" thing for many, many years.
I had a thought today, and I'm not sure if it has any merit at all, but... maybe one of the reasons I struggle with reading the Bible, memorizing scripture, listening to sermons, and so on has something to do with how often this book is used to condemn, exclude, and hurt others.
Even if, when those things happen, verses are taken out of context or the context isn't considered or they are picked and chosen for the occasion, they are still used for ill. I'm just not sure how to deal with that, how to answer for that.
I do believe the greatest of these is love. And I have a hard time when we use the Bible to show exactly the opposite.
And, if I'm seeking to understand and include and love others, how can I use the same book that is used to injure them? Won't I also be picking and choosing? Won't others think I am the one taking things out of context?
So I struggle. With the words I read - or don't read. With what I hear on Sunday morning. I understand in my head, but in my heart.... I don't know how to reconcile. I don't know what to do with it all.
Maybe that's a completely crazy thought, or a cop-out, and excuse. Maybe I'm just extra tired tonight. But maybe not.
Definitely not a cop-out, nor are you crazy. You're just using your brain and asking questions like you're supposed to! The Bible is a hard thing for me to reconcile too. And I could write a huge explanation why, but for now I will just say that even though the Bible's contradictions can be discouraging I think it is encouraging that your thoughts are leading you to care for others instead of hurt, demean and exclude them...because I thought that's what Jesus told us to do. We really need to have a long discussion over coffee someday. :) Until then, keep on doing what you're doing.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I struggle with the balance between having a childlike faith, and trying to reconcile all the questions in my brain.....I just want my brain to stay out of the way.
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